It seems like there's someone out there in the world who's just asking for it. These morons, acting so stupidly, so ignorantly, so out there, that they deserve to get kicked in the ding ding. Each week we'll pick the most deserving assclown in the news and kick them in the ding ding the only way The "Q" Crew can. It's our Ding Ding Kick of the Week! If you have a suggestion, send it our way.
This Week's Kicking of the Ding Ding
The 7.0 earthquake in Haiti Tuesday was catastrophic. At a time where grand tragedy takes place, we should be doing everything humanly possible (key word human) to help those in dire need. However, there are some in this world, and most sadly, they are in this country, who won’t help these people, but would do everything in their rotten power to seize on this like it’s a golden opportunity to push their agendas. Pat Robertson & Rush Limbaugh are these sick bastards who have tarnished the legacy of the human race for doing just that.
Wednesday, Pat Robertson (I won’t give it the benefit of calling him “reverend”) was on his 700 Club, while raising funds for those in Haiti even, where he said “…they [the Haitian people of years ago] got together & swore a pact to the devil. They said ‘we will serve you if you get us free from the French’… it’s a true story. And so the devil said ok it’s a deal. But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after another…desperately poor… They need to have, and we need to pray for them, a great turning to God.”
All of this would be quite hilarious, if it weren’t for the fact that he has a clan of mindless sheep who believe he’s preaching the Gospel. This isn’t the first time this religion for political & monetary profit exploiter put his foot in his mouth. Remember how we Americans were punished in 2001 for homosexuality and feminism? And who could forget how the People of New Orleans brought the tragedy & devastation from Hurricane Katrina upon themselves? And all of this done, mind you, in the mind of Pat Robertson, by a God who loves you.
But let’s look into the demented mind of this old, senile, hateful servant of God. To a being of logic/reason—you know, that God-given capability that separates Man from animal—any talk of making a deal with a “devil” is foolish gibberish. The same goes with any argument where you have to reiterate that “it’s a true story,” especially within the vocal tone you presented it to your 700 Club audience. And while we’re at it, the term “700 Club” isn’t really a good thing to call your little group—I mean if God loves all, it should be a society, not a “club.” Maybe, if there were a just and truly loving God, He would use that “club” on you and beat you senseless. But I digress.
Haven’t you learned your lesson from 2001 & 2005, Pat??? Obviously you haven’t, Pat, because you don’t have a brain…you sold that, along with your soul, when you founded the 700 Club. When you say that natural disasters happen because God is punishing the people for past behaviors, you are blaming a bunch of innocent people who had NOTHING TO DO with the tragedy befallen onto them. YOU’RE KICKING PEOPLE WHEN THEY’RE DOWN…hurting, and dying. You know what, if God really created all these natural disasters to punish the bad people, the Vatican would have been destroyed LONG AGO! On top of that, if said God has to inflict harm on innocent people to punish the few wicked, said God would be going against everything He stands for. Said God can kiss the fattest part of my ass. However I know, for I am a Man of Reason, that God does NOT do such a thing. You are not a servant of God. You know NOTHING of what God truly is. You are a sick, demented weasel of a person for exploiting the innocent victims of the earthquake in Haiti, in order to profit off of it by promoting your version of the Lord and Savior. And for that, you worthless sack of excrement, you can ROT IN THE HELL YOUR DEMENTED EMPTY SOUL HAS CREATED. May the hounds of Hell feast on your wretched soul, and when they do, make sure you say hi to Jerry Falwell for me.
If this wasn’t low enough, Rush Limbaugh complained about the time it took President Obama to issue responses for the “Fruit of Ka-Boom” bomber on Christmas (3 days) and the Haitian earthquake (less than 24 hours). Boss Limburger, er… I mean Limbaugh, even went as far as to claim that President Obama was “clearly irritated that he had to do it…he didn’t want to do it.” I call BULLSHIT to your claims, and BULLSHIT in the spirit in which you make them. Do you know no shame? Are you really trying to sell your political agenda at a time like this? Are you really pushing politics on a people who have absolutely nothing to do with the American politic? You went in the hospital in the holidays complaining of conditions similar to a heart attack…you just proven to me you were just exaggerating your illness—you have to have a heart before you can have a heart attack! (Yeah, fuck you still for attacking Michael J. Fox).
But let’s look at your claims. Yes, it took President Obama three days to make an official comment about the underwear bomber. Funny, it took Bush—yeah, that guy you still have scuff marks on your knees (along with that stain that just won’t come out on your shirt)—SIX days to make one comment about Richard Reid—you know, that guy who makes us all take our shoes off at the airports. It’s funny…this point has been made many times since Christmas, yet you still bring it up to this day. On top of that, you say President Obama was irritated when he spoke of the bomber…umm…were you listening to the same guy I was? I couldn’t tell he “didn’t want to do it” or anything of the sort. Are you sure you’re not high on your meds when you write this shit, Rush? In the end, Rush, you can’t compare the two…the bomber caused no death or damage, yet the earthquake took a large, devastating number of humanity with it, and sadly there could be Americans among the deceased.
If I’m reading this right, you, Rush, are bashing the President for doing the right thing! You’re bashing the President because he spoke up at a time of emergency for foreign peoples. You know, history is kinda funny…for repeating itself and at the same time bringing out the true character of those who run their mouths. Have you forgotten the 2005 tsunami, the one that happened the day after Christmas?? Did you criticize then President Bush for his immediate response to aid those victims at their hour of need?? That’s right, you didn’t…you’ve yet to wipe your chin from all the praise you gave him! Why is it, Rush, that you can praise Bush and demonize Obama for doing the same thing in their critical hours? Care to explain that to me? I’d truly love to hear your response!
Pat Robertson & Rush Limbaugh are true examples of American Shame! At this time of crisis you don’t extend your hand to hurt the victims and serve yourselves, you extend your hand to help the victims and you do so selflessly and with compassion. That’s what made America the greatest nation in the world…our ability to help others in need selflessly. Then again, we’re dealing with two poor excuses for humanity who know nothing but selfishness. I sincerely hope you both rot in hell. There’s no forgiving this act against humanity.
And for that, you deserve much worse, but for the time being, this week’s kicking of the ding ding. Go fuck yourselves, you rotten human garbage.
Last Week's Ding Ding Kicking
The first ding ding kicking of 2010 hands down goes to the clueless morons at NBC. Late last week news broke out on TMZ that Jay Leno, who is failing miserably at the 10pm/9 Central timeslot, would be moved to 11:35pm after the Olympics, while leaving Conan O'Brien out in the cold. At times it sounded like O'Brien was going to be fired. Things are still not final, but after speaking with a news director of an NBC affiliate in town, it looks like Leno will be on at 11:35, The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien will air at 12:05, and doucebag Fallon airs at 1:05.
So why do they get kicked in the ding ding? The way the shit went down. It sounded like O'Brien was going to pay for the sins of Leno; Leno would get rewarded for sucking royal donkey balls in prime time; and it all came out of nowhere.
Even though Leno isn't fully at fault for sucking in prime time, he's gonna get kicked in the ding ding too. The whole mess began several years ago, when Leno announced that he'd retire from The Tonight Show and hand it over to Conan O'Brien. He cited that he wanted to leave early so he'd have time to do other things. As a consequence of this decision, the wheels got turning for the transition: new set, ending Late Night, replacing O'Brien with Fallon, uprooting families from New York to LA. Before the end of the Leno era in the Tonight Show, Leno began to pull a Brett Farve. Because of this, the incompetent executives at NBC scrapped the traditional prime time lineup to keep the whining Leno from becoming competition. His sucking in prime time led to lower turnouts for local news, therefore affiliates complained. Now NBC has to clean up from their experimental mess.
The only difference between Leno & Farve is that at least Farve pulling a Farve didn't affect the lives of many families--familes who happened to move from one coast to the other.
What about Conan? What really pissed me off was at a time where O'Brien's fate was unknown, Leno actually had the audacity to joke about it...saying "Fox looks good this time of year" if NBC cancelled him and his crap show. On top of that NBC executives sent statement after statement praising Leno, not so much for their commitment for keeping O'Brien.
In the end, no matter who you are and how much power you hold over people's lives, YOU DON'T FUCK WITH A MAN AND FAMILIES THAT WAY! You don't completely uproot people, relocate them many miles away, tell them they'd be there for years, and then out of the blue tell them to fuck off.
So for reasons mentioned here, fuck NBC, their executives, and Jay Leno, and accept the first kicking of the ding ding of 2010.
Craig Ferguson is still the funniest host of late night television! Suck on that, bitches!
